so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
