it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im six kinds of drunk right now
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
