Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
