Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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