Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
