There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
