wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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