So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
