I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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