Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
