Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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