Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I deserve this hangover.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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