He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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