I can text with my tongue
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
