Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
