47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
