John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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