is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
