I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
