I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
