Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
