I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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