her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
