i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
the raccoons are back...
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