Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
