I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
