Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm at about main and main street
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
