just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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