Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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