Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So many bounce houses so little time
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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