Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
