Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
