i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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