At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
