oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
