Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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