My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
