i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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