Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am spending my child support on dildos
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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