We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just want nice things and good sex
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
