She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
