My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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