there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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