Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
