My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
