I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
