id be glad to
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
