My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Drunk is not a location!
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