Whod you bang
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
