Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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