And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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